i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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