Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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