A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
