I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
