i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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