You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
