The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
