rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize