after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
