WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
