I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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