Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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