Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
