I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We need to rekindle our bromance
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
