When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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