I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
