vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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