I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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