# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
