just tell him i said nine months
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
