just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
don't judge my taste in strippers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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