I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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