yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
