Your face is a jimmy john
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
