Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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