so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
