my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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