On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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