I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
