sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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