no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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