I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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