I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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