I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont even know how to be here
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
