I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
