my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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