you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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