you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
