you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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