the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
