I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
