Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
