I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
