Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
