Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
