what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
