Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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