definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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