Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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