Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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