I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Randomize
