my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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