Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
