just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
