I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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