3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
