he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
