things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
