Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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