Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
