He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
