There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up under a house in Key West
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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