Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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