p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
