Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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