I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize