Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
