I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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