i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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