Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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