This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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