you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
