I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
