At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
