Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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